EXPECTATIONS is another area that can cause us to have a lot of anxiety, depression, and stress. Remember, all frustration is based on unmet expectations, according to Dr. Lund. There are two kinds of expectations. Those that depend upon what we do and those that depend on what others do. Dependent expectations which require other people to perform in certain ways are wishes. (We have no control over these.) Independent expectations which depend solely upon us carrying them out are goals.("How to Hug a Poricupine" by Dr. Lund pg. 88-89 read)
Sometimes we are given expectations from others and we believe that we must do or be like they think, but it is up to us to decide if their wishes are reasonable demands on us. Can we actually be different then they think and still be ok? Are those people correct who are giving us “shoulds”? Is this thing the right thing for me or is this just what that person wants or thinks is right? We have our agency and God has given us guides and helps to accomplish his mission(s)/purposes for us in our lives. Think about it, “Who are you trying to please? What will be the outcome of trying to please them?” We have a great blessing by having the gift of the Holy Ghost. We can receive personal revelation to know what we should do. What God wants us to do. He’s given us the Priesthood. We can get priesthood blessings, patriarchal blessings, and we have the Apostles and Prophet.
If we ask, we shall receive; if we seek, we shall find; if we knock it will be opened unto us. (Matt 7:7). If we want to please God there are many ways to know what He expects, but even then He still allows us to choose our own will. But if we choose His way, we will be blessed. He is bound to bless us as we do what he asks.
Now we must keep in mind that at times what is required of us will stretch us. It will be hard, but for our good. We must keep focused on the end result, rather then the means to the end. God is there to help. He has given us the atonement through Jesus Christ. Never underestimate what the Atonement can do for you. We can do all things asked by God through the atonement. Remember the devil will not want us to succeed. He tempts us to believe false things about God, the Savior, the Atonement, etc. Notice his deceptions and distractions. Our Father in Heaven has also blessed us with prayer, priesthood, temples, scriptures, church, families, etc. He loves us and seeks to do whatever he can to make us our best selves. Also when dealing with expectations we must consider, some people have problems with being satisfied. They may never be happy, no matter what we or others do. With these people we can never do or be enough in order for them to be pleased. In these situations Dr. Lund suggests, we must determine what we think is enough (good enough), and define what we think a good and loving person would do and then do that. Also he tells us our primary objective should be to become our healthiest and best self. We must decide what that is and how to achieve it. Of Course, we want to include the Lord in our decision. He obviously has a far better vision of who we are and what we can achieve, and has the eternal perspective to lead us to experiences that we need. If we consider what He thinks and apply that information to our lives we will indeed become the best we could ever be, and the most happy and healthy. Remember perfection is a process. Enjoy the journey and process. It takes time and we must be patient. Our Father in Heaven understands that we make mistakes, that we are tempted and tried, and face tribulations. Sometimes we will fall, God prepared for that. We have no terrible lose when we fall, unless we choose to stop getting up and trying again. Beware of Satan’s lies. He will try to tell us we can’t get up or it’s not worth it, etc. (read Mosiah 4:6-11) Do not believe him. He is not trying to help you. He’s a liar and hates God and our Savior. Do not listen to him. Get back up and try again. No one will fail in this life if they keep getting up and trying again.(read Alma 5: 33-34; 3 Nephi 9:14) Don’t get discouraged. We have help. We have a Savior and a Loving Heavenly Father who constantly reach out their hands to help pull us up and heal our hurts and ease our pains, so we can continue to move forward and learn. They love us so much. Never forget or become deceived or distracted from this truth. (but even if you do, you will not be forgotten and so do not think you are totally lost.) Tell Satan you are choosing to not listen to him. Remember we are never alone. God and Jesus are always there to help us carry our load when the burden needs to be shared. We will gain strength as we do what we can, especially when we feel our burden is heavy.
I listed some good information on the handout, about expectations from Dr. Lund. You can look at it when you’re done.
Beware Satan will tempt us to think that God is asking too much. Keep in mind Satan is the one who will never be happy, no matter what we do or what he gets. Another thought, learn from God and Christ’s examples. They are constant and unchanging no matter what Satan does. (What Satan does, does not change who or what God is or how he acts.)
WHEN DEALING WITH ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION, WE MUST REMEMBER THAT ALL FRUSTRATION COMES FROM UNMET EXPECTATIONS. DR. LUND IN HIS BOOK HELPS US MORE CLEARLY IDENTIFY UNMET EXPECTATIONS WE ARE FRUSTRATED WITH. The first reaction to unmet expectations is frustration. You must identify what your expectation was, that caused you to be frustrated. Dr. Lund has it written out “I am frustrated because I expected_______________.” You can make a list of your expectations using this form. Then you must identify your next reaction which will either be an emotional or mental one. Emotional: resentment, hate, anger, disappointment, despair, resignation, depression, anxiety, nervousness, worry, fear, withdrawal, silence, revenge, crying, yelling . Or Mental: Positive or negative silence, denial, ignore the person, no immediate comment, meditate, ponder, think about a productive response. Which one did you choose? Your third reaction to an unmet expectation is your choice of behavior, which can be: Positive or negative silence, improper criticism, withdrawal, crying, rage, yelling, parenting, panic attacks, laughing, working harder, singing, smiling, avoidance. What one did you choose? Remember you choose all of your reactions to frustration. They don’t just happen. We can choose what we will do!
HOW DO YOU GENERALLY RESPOND TO FRUSTRATION? (FROM DR. LUND’S BOOK “HOW TO HUG A PORCUPINE”)EXAMPLES OF NEGATIVE RESPONSES TO FRUSTRATION:*Pouting *Anger *Crying *Rebellion *Throwing things *Despair *Hopelessness *Resignation *Yelling*Being contentious *Being contrary *Physical abuse *Blaming others*Depression *Discouragement *Criticism *Verbal abuse *Spanking *Preaching *Laughing in their face *Fear *Cursing *Swearing *Resentment *Intimidation *Defensiveness *Arguing *Threats *Hitting the wall or door *Kicking the wall or door*Making others miserable *Silence as punishment
Dr. Lund says “the list of Negative Responses consist primarily of emotional reactions. They require no real thought because they are emotional and not mental reactions. (They come naturally or with ease.) Positive reactions require time to think and ponder. . . . Give yourself time before you respond . . . and develop a different set of reactions. . . The goal is to keep yourself in control of you.”
We can change these things, but it will take effort. We must act and not be acted upon (2 Nep. 2: 26).
EXAMPLES OF POSITIVE RESPONSES TO FRUSTRATION: (by Dr. Lund)1.) Excuse yourself and go for a walk to ponder responses which keep you in control of yourself and being a caring person.2.) Count to ten slowly (or give self a 24 hour time out-requested by Midwest Center) and remain in emotional control. Sort through your best options.3.) Visualize something absurd, like your husband or brother, dressed in baby clothes, sitting on a block of ice, sucking a pickle. 4.) If you are under verbal attack or criticism, simply announce your need to write the criticisms down on paper in order to ponder them. Also announce that you will seriously consider the criticisms and get back to the person later. 5.) Request the criticizing person to rub your back while he or she is giving the negative message, or ask the person to hold your hands while he or she criticizes you.
Fear also could be thought of as the affect of a dream trying to push its way out.
What are your expectations?
Take test on expectations from the midwest center (you can ask me about it).
We want to help people to see the vision of what is available to them and they can have. Things they can work towards. We need help to stay focused and motivated instead of depressed and discouraged. Keeping a positive vision of the future, and focusing on what we have control over that can help us be prepared and live in the present moment.
We take life and ourself far too seriouslyPerfectionism puts pressure on ourself and others, causing stress.
Stop and notice your expectations that cause you unnecessary stress and anxiety
Your stress, anxiety and fear are a signal to you that something needs your attention
We may begin living in an almost constant state of crisis management instead of seeing these signals as a need to change something. Learn to listen to your body. Instead of keeping focused on the feelings, notice what needs to be changed.
Laws of Change:
We can’t change anyone but ourselves. We can change ourselves.We can’t change our past. We can change our futureWe can’t always get our own way. We can change the way we feel.We can’t always get others to do what we want. We can change the way we react.
Our beliefs influence our stress level and inspire our expectations. If our beliefs are not reasonable, realistic and rational our expectations follow.
Realize you have plenty of time for making changes that will better your life. You can learn to live differently then you have been.
Remember one of the most powerful stress management tools is to be more effective and less affected.
You are responsible for how you feel. How do you deal with the world and the world with you?
How do you feel your expectations of others would make you feel?
Set realistic, reachable goals that just depend on you and are your goals not something someone else wants!
Get a clearer picture of what is real, rational, and reasonable!
Identify why you are always disappointed. What is it you want? Why were you disappointed? Why did you want more?
When have you taken life too seriously? What damage was done because of it?
Why do you do what you do? Are you motivated because of what others will think?
What do you feel you deserve? (past suffering doesn’t guarantee a future of ease).
You can’t wait for things to happen you must make things happen. Happiness is a choice.
Notice how much you avoid certain feelings and situations. You will only be frustrated trying to be in control of things out of your control, like other people or the future, past, etc. Take what comes your way and do your best with it. Stamping your feet physically and emotionally will only lead to anger and anxiety.
Expecting everyone or every thing in your life to be perfect will only lead you to be frustrated.
Your attitude is responsible for much of the stress and anxiety you experience. You choose what you think. (Four central themes in our beliefs that lead to frustration, uneasiness, anxiety and depression: Perfectionism, lack of assertiveness, unrealistic expectations, and victim thinking.)
Thought-feeling-action triangle: this can be good or bad.
Unrealistic beliefs lead to inaccurate expectations which lead to maladaptive thoughts which lead to negative feelings.
If you don’t like where you are, it is up to you, to get you where you want to be.
You can not make everyone like you. You can not please everyone, nor is it healthy to do that. Get to know and like yourself and choose to be who you want to be. Set your priorities!
Journaling every day helps you get to know yourself and see patterns and behaviors that are indicators of what’s at the root of your anxiety and depression.
Change always brings with it some anxiety. Be gentle with yourself. It will feel awkward at first to change how you think. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed. Practice asking for what you need without using your anxiety as an excuse.
Notice and catch yourself in the act of feeling bad and ask yourself what you are telling yourself to feel that way. Do you really want to stay upset?
When changing your negative thoughts use words that help you feel in control. When you find the themes in your negative self-talk, begin to create a paragraph that comforts and soothes. Restate the inaccurate belief in a believable context. Include coping skills you will use. Put it on a index card and carry it with you.
Notice when you make whiny, negative, victim statements either out loud or inside. Be aware of how often you play the victim role.
In your quest is to be liked/loved by everyone you will give yourself a backache, headache, and heartache.
Discover who you really are. Identify what is pleasing. Decide what you want, not what everyone else wants.
Recovery is all about helping yourself. About building your emotional muscle and becoming a independent person. You will still be caring and sensitive, but your relationships will be more balanced and healthy. You can still ask others for what you need.
Knowledge and practice can help you see your world in a new way.
Unrealistic expectations attached to goals. When and if goals are achieved the results will not live up to expectations and disappointment follows. We often feel so overwhelmed by expectations of a goal we never try to achieve it for fear of failure or fear of self-hate.
Lower expectations to more realistic level, what is practical, is it probable? What can you expect from yourself? Are you expecting more then you should? (of others/self?) Even partial achievement can be viewed as an achievement. What did you do good? Did you do something that was helpful? Know who you are and what you are capable of. When lowering expectations learning patience, taking things one step at a time and gradually getting somewhere. It’s a process and journey not just a destination.
Things that are worth more, usually take more time in coming. Take more effort.
Immediate gratification, not long lasting, often feel don’t deserve it-feel didn’t work hard enough for it.
Lower expectations, good things that happen always recognized while bad things accepted as inevitable part of life. (Opposition in all things.) Learn from them and move on.
Do you have realistic expectations of yourself and others?Are you a perfectionist?Are you a victim, play the blame game?Do you feel guilty when you have to say “No”?
Attitude is everything. When you feel stressed do you usually look outside yourself. Look at other people, places, etc for reasons for your distress.
Perfectionist: Constantly live in the “never arrive” state. To think in order for something to be done correctly you have to do it yourself- you put extra stress and work on yourself and make others feel disempowered, untrustworthy, and inadequate.
Being more ASSERTIVE: Stand up for self without standing on someone else and love and respect yourself. Be heard without shouting. Don't worry more about what others think of you instead of what you think about yourself.
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Don't have low expectations but reasonable and realistic ones. Learn to re-examine your shoulds, coulds, and expectations!
FEEL VICTIMIZED-LOOK OUTSIDE SELF OR REASONS: Take control of life, stop being a victim, and blaming others. You can choose to be happy. Learn to take charge of your life.
People only take advantage of you when you let them.
You need to change the way you think in order to minimize and eliminate some of your distress and anxiety. We are not born with coping skills and life management techniques-we must learn them. Now is the time to pick up the life management skills that lead to inner peace and productivity.
SHOULD RULE’S: (expectations typically fall short of. Usually unrealistic/not as important as think. Important to recognize why have theses particular shoulds/ what their importance really is. Anxiety comes from the form of procrastination. Always set up for disappointment and self-hate.)
Where is it I think I am failing and not living up to?
I should or shouldn’t . . . . . . (EXPECTATIONS)
I expect:
How can you turn these “Shoulds” into goals to be accomplished?Shoulds and expectations that are valid desires, need to be turned into goals. If expectations come from you and are realistic, consider valid.
What do you feel you deserve?
For more information go to http://www.stresscenter.com/
Sometimes we are given expectations from others and we believe that we must do or be like they think, but it is up to us to decide if their wishes are reasonable demands on us. Can we actually be different then they think and still be ok? Are those people correct who are giving us “shoulds”? Is this thing the right thing for me or is this just what that person wants or thinks is right? We have our agency and God has given us guides and helps to accomplish his mission(s)/purposes for us in our lives. Think about it, “Who are you trying to please? What will be the outcome of trying to please them?” We have a great blessing by having the gift of the Holy Ghost. We can receive personal revelation to know what we should do. What God wants us to do. He’s given us the Priesthood. We can get priesthood blessings, patriarchal blessings, and we have the Apostles and Prophet.
If we ask, we shall receive; if we seek, we shall find; if we knock it will be opened unto us. (Matt 7:7). If we want to please God there are many ways to know what He expects, but even then He still allows us to choose our own will. But if we choose His way, we will be blessed. He is bound to bless us as we do what he asks.
Now we must keep in mind that at times what is required of us will stretch us. It will be hard, but for our good. We must keep focused on the end result, rather then the means to the end. God is there to help. He has given us the atonement through Jesus Christ. Never underestimate what the Atonement can do for you. We can do all things asked by God through the atonement. Remember the devil will not want us to succeed. He tempts us to believe false things about God, the Savior, the Atonement, etc. Notice his deceptions and distractions. Our Father in Heaven has also blessed us with prayer, priesthood, temples, scriptures, church, families, etc. He loves us and seeks to do whatever he can to make us our best selves. Also when dealing with expectations we must consider, some people have problems with being satisfied. They may never be happy, no matter what we or others do. With these people we can never do or be enough in order for them to be pleased. In these situations Dr. Lund suggests, we must determine what we think is enough (good enough), and define what we think a good and loving person would do and then do that. Also he tells us our primary objective should be to become our healthiest and best self. We must decide what that is and how to achieve it. Of Course, we want to include the Lord in our decision. He obviously has a far better vision of who we are and what we can achieve, and has the eternal perspective to lead us to experiences that we need. If we consider what He thinks and apply that information to our lives we will indeed become the best we could ever be, and the most happy and healthy. Remember perfection is a process. Enjoy the journey and process. It takes time and we must be patient. Our Father in Heaven understands that we make mistakes, that we are tempted and tried, and face tribulations. Sometimes we will fall, God prepared for that. We have no terrible lose when we fall, unless we choose to stop getting up and trying again. Beware of Satan’s lies. He will try to tell us we can’t get up or it’s not worth it, etc. (read Mosiah 4:6-11) Do not believe him. He is not trying to help you. He’s a liar and hates God and our Savior. Do not listen to him. Get back up and try again. No one will fail in this life if they keep getting up and trying again.(read Alma 5: 33-34; 3 Nephi 9:14) Don’t get discouraged. We have help. We have a Savior and a Loving Heavenly Father who constantly reach out their hands to help pull us up and heal our hurts and ease our pains, so we can continue to move forward and learn. They love us so much. Never forget or become deceived or distracted from this truth. (but even if you do, you will not be forgotten and so do not think you are totally lost.) Tell Satan you are choosing to not listen to him. Remember we are never alone. God and Jesus are always there to help us carry our load when the burden needs to be shared. We will gain strength as we do what we can, especially when we feel our burden is heavy.
I listed some good information on the handout, about expectations from Dr. Lund. You can look at it when you’re done.
Beware Satan will tempt us to think that God is asking too much. Keep in mind Satan is the one who will never be happy, no matter what we do or what he gets. Another thought, learn from God and Christ’s examples. They are constant and unchanging no matter what Satan does. (What Satan does, does not change who or what God is or how he acts.)
WHEN DEALING WITH ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION, WE MUST REMEMBER THAT ALL FRUSTRATION COMES FROM UNMET EXPECTATIONS. DR. LUND IN HIS BOOK HELPS US MORE CLEARLY IDENTIFY UNMET EXPECTATIONS WE ARE FRUSTRATED WITH. The first reaction to unmet expectations is frustration. You must identify what your expectation was, that caused you to be frustrated. Dr. Lund has it written out “I am frustrated because I expected_______________.” You can make a list of your expectations using this form. Then you must identify your next reaction which will either be an emotional or mental one. Emotional: resentment, hate, anger, disappointment, despair, resignation, depression, anxiety, nervousness, worry, fear, withdrawal, silence, revenge, crying, yelling . Or Mental: Positive or negative silence, denial, ignore the person, no immediate comment, meditate, ponder, think about a productive response. Which one did you choose? Your third reaction to an unmet expectation is your choice of behavior, which can be: Positive or negative silence, improper criticism, withdrawal, crying, rage, yelling, parenting, panic attacks, laughing, working harder, singing, smiling, avoidance. What one did you choose? Remember you choose all of your reactions to frustration. They don’t just happen. We can choose what we will do!
HOW DO YOU GENERALLY RESPOND TO FRUSTRATION? (FROM DR. LUND’S BOOK “HOW TO HUG A PORCUPINE”)EXAMPLES OF NEGATIVE RESPONSES TO FRUSTRATION:*Pouting *Anger *Crying *Rebellion *Throwing things *Despair *Hopelessness *Resignation *Yelling*Being contentious *Being contrary *Physical abuse *Blaming others*Depression *Discouragement *Criticism *Verbal abuse *Spanking *Preaching *Laughing in their face *Fear *Cursing *Swearing *Resentment *Intimidation *Defensiveness *Arguing *Threats *Hitting the wall or door *Kicking the wall or door*Making others miserable *Silence as punishment
Dr. Lund says “the list of Negative Responses consist primarily of emotional reactions. They require no real thought because they are emotional and not mental reactions. (They come naturally or with ease.) Positive reactions require time to think and ponder. . . . Give yourself time before you respond . . . and develop a different set of reactions. . . The goal is to keep yourself in control of you.”
We can change these things, but it will take effort. We must act and not be acted upon (2 Nep. 2: 26).
EXAMPLES OF POSITIVE RESPONSES TO FRUSTRATION: (by Dr. Lund)1.) Excuse yourself and go for a walk to ponder responses which keep you in control of yourself and being a caring person.2.) Count to ten slowly (or give self a 24 hour time out-requested by Midwest Center) and remain in emotional control. Sort through your best options.3.) Visualize something absurd, like your husband or brother, dressed in baby clothes, sitting on a block of ice, sucking a pickle. 4.) If you are under verbal attack or criticism, simply announce your need to write the criticisms down on paper in order to ponder them. Also announce that you will seriously consider the criticisms and get back to the person later. 5.) Request the criticizing person to rub your back while he or she is giving the negative message, or ask the person to hold your hands while he or she criticizes you.
Fear also could be thought of as the affect of a dream trying to push its way out.
What are your expectations?
Take test on expectations from the midwest center (you can ask me about it).
We want to help people to see the vision of what is available to them and they can have. Things they can work towards. We need help to stay focused and motivated instead of depressed and discouraged. Keeping a positive vision of the future, and focusing on what we have control over that can help us be prepared and live in the present moment.
We take life and ourself far too seriouslyPerfectionism puts pressure on ourself and others, causing stress.
Stop and notice your expectations that cause you unnecessary stress and anxiety
Your stress, anxiety and fear are a signal to you that something needs your attention
We may begin living in an almost constant state of crisis management instead of seeing these signals as a need to change something. Learn to listen to your body. Instead of keeping focused on the feelings, notice what needs to be changed.
Laws of Change:
We can’t change anyone but ourselves. We can change ourselves.We can’t change our past. We can change our futureWe can’t always get our own way. We can change the way we feel.We can’t always get others to do what we want. We can change the way we react.
Our beliefs influence our stress level and inspire our expectations. If our beliefs are not reasonable, realistic and rational our expectations follow.
Realize you have plenty of time for making changes that will better your life. You can learn to live differently then you have been.
Remember one of the most powerful stress management tools is to be more effective and less affected.
You are responsible for how you feel. How do you deal with the world and the world with you?
How do you feel your expectations of others would make you feel?
Set realistic, reachable goals that just depend on you and are your goals not something someone else wants!
Get a clearer picture of what is real, rational, and reasonable!
Identify why you are always disappointed. What is it you want? Why were you disappointed? Why did you want more?
When have you taken life too seriously? What damage was done because of it?
Why do you do what you do? Are you motivated because of what others will think?
What do you feel you deserve? (past suffering doesn’t guarantee a future of ease).
You can’t wait for things to happen you must make things happen. Happiness is a choice.
Notice how much you avoid certain feelings and situations. You will only be frustrated trying to be in control of things out of your control, like other people or the future, past, etc. Take what comes your way and do your best with it. Stamping your feet physically and emotionally will only lead to anger and anxiety.
Expecting everyone or every thing in your life to be perfect will only lead you to be frustrated.
Your attitude is responsible for much of the stress and anxiety you experience. You choose what you think. (Four central themes in our beliefs that lead to frustration, uneasiness, anxiety and depression: Perfectionism, lack of assertiveness, unrealistic expectations, and victim thinking.)
Thought-feeling-action triangle: this can be good or bad.
Unrealistic beliefs lead to inaccurate expectations which lead to maladaptive thoughts which lead to negative feelings.
If you don’t like where you are, it is up to you, to get you where you want to be.
You can not make everyone like you. You can not please everyone, nor is it healthy to do that. Get to know and like yourself and choose to be who you want to be. Set your priorities!
Journaling every day helps you get to know yourself and see patterns and behaviors that are indicators of what’s at the root of your anxiety and depression.
Change always brings with it some anxiety. Be gentle with yourself. It will feel awkward at first to change how you think. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed. Practice asking for what you need without using your anxiety as an excuse.
Notice and catch yourself in the act of feeling bad and ask yourself what you are telling yourself to feel that way. Do you really want to stay upset?
When changing your negative thoughts use words that help you feel in control. When you find the themes in your negative self-talk, begin to create a paragraph that comforts and soothes. Restate the inaccurate belief in a believable context. Include coping skills you will use. Put it on a index card and carry it with you.
Notice when you make whiny, negative, victim statements either out loud or inside. Be aware of how often you play the victim role.
In your quest is to be liked/loved by everyone you will give yourself a backache, headache, and heartache.
Discover who you really are. Identify what is pleasing. Decide what you want, not what everyone else wants.
Recovery is all about helping yourself. About building your emotional muscle and becoming a independent person. You will still be caring and sensitive, but your relationships will be more balanced and healthy. You can still ask others for what you need.
Knowledge and practice can help you see your world in a new way.
Unrealistic expectations attached to goals. When and if goals are achieved the results will not live up to expectations and disappointment follows. We often feel so overwhelmed by expectations of a goal we never try to achieve it for fear of failure or fear of self-hate.
Lower expectations to more realistic level, what is practical, is it probable? What can you expect from yourself? Are you expecting more then you should? (of others/self?) Even partial achievement can be viewed as an achievement. What did you do good? Did you do something that was helpful? Know who you are and what you are capable of. When lowering expectations learning patience, taking things one step at a time and gradually getting somewhere. It’s a process and journey not just a destination.
Things that are worth more, usually take more time in coming. Take more effort.
Immediate gratification, not long lasting, often feel don’t deserve it-feel didn’t work hard enough for it.
Lower expectations, good things that happen always recognized while bad things accepted as inevitable part of life. (Opposition in all things.) Learn from them and move on.
Do you have realistic expectations of yourself and others?Are you a perfectionist?Are you a victim, play the blame game?Do you feel guilty when you have to say “No”?
Attitude is everything. When you feel stressed do you usually look outside yourself. Look at other people, places, etc for reasons for your distress.
Perfectionist: Constantly live in the “never arrive” state. To think in order for something to be done correctly you have to do it yourself- you put extra stress and work on yourself and make others feel disempowered, untrustworthy, and inadequate.
Being more ASSERTIVE: Stand up for self without standing on someone else and love and respect yourself. Be heard without shouting. Don't worry more about what others think of you instead of what you think about yourself.
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Don't have low expectations but reasonable and realistic ones. Learn to re-examine your shoulds, coulds, and expectations!
FEEL VICTIMIZED-LOOK OUTSIDE SELF OR REASONS: Take control of life, stop being a victim, and blaming others. You can choose to be happy. Learn to take charge of your life.
People only take advantage of you when you let them.
You need to change the way you think in order to minimize and eliminate some of your distress and anxiety. We are not born with coping skills and life management techniques-we must learn them. Now is the time to pick up the life management skills that lead to inner peace and productivity.
SHOULD RULE’S: (expectations typically fall short of. Usually unrealistic/not as important as think. Important to recognize why have theses particular shoulds/ what their importance really is. Anxiety comes from the form of procrastination. Always set up for disappointment and self-hate.)
Where is it I think I am failing and not living up to?
I should or shouldn’t . . . . . . (EXPECTATIONS)
I expect:
How can you turn these “Shoulds” into goals to be accomplished?Shoulds and expectations that are valid desires, need to be turned into goals. If expectations come from you and are realistic, consider valid.
What do you feel you deserve?
For more information go to http://www.stresscenter.com/
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